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Lazarus and Grief

I did not expect to preach so much about the stay at home orders, or the pandemic. I found, to my surprise, that the experience of the pandemic was largely reflected in the Scriptures. They faced sudden calamity too! They had to struggle with isolation and fear too! Their leaders were confusing and capricious too! What do you know!

So here’s what I said the Sunday before Palm Sunday about Lazarus.

Rev. Megan L. Castellan

March 29, 2020

Lent 5, Year A

Every so often these days, I find myself thinking “Oh, I need peppers for dinner tonight—I’ll just run out to the store.”  Then it takes a minute before I realize that no—I can’t just run out to the store.  Or I’ll think of something I need to tell one of you the next time I see you—only to recall a second later that “Seeing” you means something altogether different now.

This momentary forgetting is how grief works.  If you’ve ever lost someone close to you, you find that you go through times when you forget for a period that the person is dead—only to remember again a moment later.  Only right now, instead of grieving a particular person, all of us are grieving a way of life that is on hold.  

And I don’t say this to be self-indulgent.  Staying inside, self-isolating, not going to work, or to the store, or to church, or to the big celebrations we had been looking forward to is important and for extremely good reasons, and by doing these things we save people’s lives.  AND AT THE SAME TIME—it is all right to feel things about being stuck in the house all day.  It is fine to wonder how a parent who simultaneously has to work from home can also educate several squirmy kids.  It is altogether fine to wish things were different, and we could all be together in person.  It’s grief—grief is fine, and grief is human when we lose something.

Today’s gospel is all about grief.  Jesus gets word that one of his good friends, Lazarus, has died.  Now, we know Lazarus from earlier—Martha, his sister, had hosted Jesus and the disciples at her house.  This family was one of the ones that were financially supporting Jesus’ ministry.  Jesus, though, chooses to delay traveling back to Bethany, and by the time he gets there, Lazarus is dead.

Both sisters, in their turn, lay into him about this.  “Teacher, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”  There’s something incredibly poignant about this scene—that’s the voice of grief right there.  Where were you, Jesus?  You could have stopped this.  You could have prevented this, and where were you?

And notice what Jesus does in the face of such sadness, grief, and even anger.  He doesn’t scold them, or tell them to have greater faith.  He doesn’t threaten them to be nicer.  He weeps.  He cries.  He joins them in their grief.

Now—of course, arguably  Jesus knows that he’s just going to raise Lazarus to life again.  He knows that he has the power to undo death itself, and so the suffering here is but temporary.  And yet, that doesn’t stop him from being so moved by the pain around him that he, too, enters into it.

If there is a better encapsulation of Jesus’ relationship to us, I don’t know what it is.  Jesus, standing with the grieving Mary and Martha beside the tomb, weeping—even as he is preparing to resurrect their brother, because he is so moved by their grief, and by the reality of what it is to be human.

Christ’s presence finds us even when we are surrounded by death.  Christ’s presence finds us even when we are buried in grief, even when we are furious with it, even when the fragility of this mortal life surrounds us on every side.  Christ’s presence finds us, just as he does when we are afraid, just as he does when we are alone, just as he always does.

Even the finality of death is no barrier to the love and presence of Christ.  Jesus resurrects Lazarus and restores him to his family.   In God, our mortal life is held secure, even amid everything that threatens it.  In the words of Paul—not even death is able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus.

But this is not to say that the grief experienced by Jesus and the sisters wasn’t real, or wasn’t a faithful response—it was.  And more—Jesus—God incarnate—shared that grief with them.  So while we are experiencing such a time as this, such a time where our life seems intensely fragile, and grief seems all around,  I want us to hold on to two things:

The first is that death, in the sight of God, is no obstacle to Christ’s love.  For us, death means only a change, not an end, in our life in God.  God holds us so firmly in his arms of mercy that not even death can remove us.  Our state of being changes, but God loves us so deeply that through the power of Christ, no child of God is ever lost.  Ever.

The second is that God enters into our sufferings.  Even as we are assured that God has overcome death through Christ’s resurrection, God is still with us when we deal with pain and grief, because those are experiences that Christ knew too.  God enters into our sufferings, and bears it with us.  And so for us, our faithful response is not just to share our burdens with Christ, but to share one another’s burdens.  

Our grief, our sorrow, our frustration is not permanent, nor does it separate us from the God who made us and loves us.  It is a product of the love God has poured into our hearts for each other, for all that’s good in our lives.  And so God honors our grief, and asks that we treat it tenderly.

Because the love God gives us that once ached in grief will just as surely flourish in new places and in new ways.  God’s love that flows in us will bind us together, through our grief, into a new day of joy and gladness on the other side of this,  The love of God, that we have, will see us through even this.  Even this.  


Blind Man!

Preaching online takes some getting used to. I can’t wave my hands, for one. I can’t get instant feedback as well, for another. It’s a whole other thing.

Then there’s the issue of the blind man text. This story, like the other healing stories, tends to attract ableist interpretations like a toddler’s hands attract sticky stuff. Such interpretations from the pulpit (or the webcam) are not helpful–especially as we are currently struggling with the consequences of our refusal to adequately provide for one another.

So I tried to go another way. Here’s what I said.

Blind Man Sermon

This story essentially exists in two parts:  There’s the thing itself, then there’s the commentary about the thing.  This is a very meta story.

The initial healing of the blind man by Jesus is actually not a big deal (aside from violating every CDC guideline we have right now).  

What becomes a big deal is the fallout of the initial event—a fallout that ends up roping in all the local authorities, religious leaders, the man himself, and his parents.  Basically, by the end, you have the entire village yelling at each other. 

The clue that things are about to go pear-shaped comes at the very beginning of the story, and it’s so fast you might miss it.  When they first encounter the blind man, the disciples ask Jesus “Who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind?”  For starters, He’s RIGHT THERE.  He’s not deaf.  Secondly, Jesus has a similar face-palm reaction.  “No one sinned—that’s not….no.  Wrong idea.  No.”

But if you pay careful attention to what happens in the rest of the story, it’s clear that this notion of ‘who sinned’ carries through to everyone else in the story.  Because no sooner has Jesus healed him, then the blind man is getting yelled at by the religious authorities, and then his parents are getting yelled at, in this sort of strange Law-and Order-esque scene.

Now, I need to say, that this scene is one of the reasons we know that the Gospel of John was written as late as 90-100 CE.  No one was getting thrown out of the synagogue anywhere—that simply wasn’t a thing—before the fall of the Temple in 70CE, and the ultimate split between Judaism and Christianity in 85CE.  John literally has to invent a word here to explain what’s happening, which indicates how unusual and novel it was.  So, please don’t hear this story as describing Jesus crusading against mean Jews who don’t like him—it really reflects a conflict that John’s community was having locally and much later.  


What we do see is the religious authorities in the story acting on the belief that the disciples initially had: the formerly-blind man cannot be trusted to tell his own story because clearly, he sinned in order to end up blind.  Neither can his parents, because they might have sinned too.  So there’s a lot of yelling back and forth, for one, and the pretty harsh decision to cast them all out of their religious community.  

Bad theology, as I say to you all the time, harms people.  Theology that doesn’t heal, that doesn’t have at its core a profound love for the image of God in each person, that doesn’t see each human being as worthy of flourishing, is going to end up hurting people.

And we don’t have to look very far to see that happening around us now.  Because we live in a society that has assumed for a long time that if people are left by the side of the road, they must have done something to deserve it.  If you are poor, sick, disabled, left behind in some way, in this society, then our society tells us that you must have done something to deserve it.  Otherwise you would have worked harder.  Otherwise, you would have tried more.  Otherwise, you would have wanted it more.  

But now we are seeing that for all our glorification of individual achievement, this way of life has ended up literally killing us.  It’s fine to maintain that people should earn their way, but now, that fast food worker who is preparing your meal who doesn’t have a livable wage, and doesn’t have paid sick leave is literally endangering their life, and the lives of everyone who depend on them for food. Our philosophies of individualism and hard work alone won’t save us.

What will save us is the healing that Jesus offers, and it’s already all around us.  When we care for others, when we stop for the ones at the side of the road—that’s when we encounter the healing that Jesus gives us.  When we stand up for the vulnerable ones and we side with the left-behind.  Because while we’re witnessing the fall of so many of our beliefs, we’re also seeing so many people step up in amazing ways.  Liquor companies turning over their machinery to make hand sanitizer, businesses changing their models to protect their employees and spread wealth down the supply chain, average people running errands for those who are most vulnerable right now.  When we do these things, Jesus is with us, in powerful new ways.  Each time we come together to affirm the common worth and humanity of each person, that’s where the healing of Christ begins.


My girl Photini

This turned out to be the last Sunday we worshipped in the building, to date. All classes were already online; services moved entirely online the next Sunday.

I wrote this as notes which are pretty sketchy, so don’t expect full sentences!

Photini in a Time of Plague

—First off, the Samaritan woman had a name.  Local Palestinian and Eastern Christian tradition names her Photini—light bearer. 

—Second, if you went on pilgrimage with me, then you know that her well is DEEP.  It’s still there, outside of Nablus, and you can drop a bucket down and drink from it still.  

But more importantly, what are we to make of this strange conversation about worship and husbands?

Because as she and Jesus are talking about the proper worship of God, all of a sudden, Jesus starts asking about her husbands, and just as quickly, she switches back to talking about where to worship God.  If you remember your Hebrew prophets, adultery is always used as a metaphor for religious unfaithfulness.  When the Israelites would wander off and worship idols, which happened roughly every 20 minutes, the prophets would say they were committing infidelity.  It was an easy allegory.  

So Jesus isn’t describing her actual marital state—he’s naming that the Samaritan people had been conquered 5 times, by 5 different empires.  Which was true.  And Photini, in turn, catches the allusion, and continues to debate theology.

Which makes this a remarkable woman indeed.  Out alone at a well, in the middle of the day, and a frustrated theologian.  

We don’t know why she was out there alone;  we do know that something was wrong, because to quote the saying “Only mad dogs and Englishmen stand in the midday sun.”  These conditions weren’t ideal for anyone.  Maybe she ran out of water at home.  Maybe she got into a fight with the other women.  Maybe there was sickness, and she was being isolated.  We don’t know.

But it strikes me that Photini was a woman who knew what it was to be isolated.  To fear.  To live unprotected by her society, her government, perhaps even by her family.  And perhaps the reason she immediately starts talking theology with Jesus is that for her, God is the only thing she has to rely on.

Yet when we see her in her isolation, we see her encountering Jesus.  Again, Jesus found Nicodemus in the night of his fear, and now Jesus has found Photini in her isolation.  The disciples, conversely, still don’t know what’s going on.  When Jesus says he has food they don’t know about, they assume he has a hidden pita in his pocket or something.  But he seeks out the frightened and the alone.

And when she encounters Jesus, she engages.  She demands answers. She asks questions.  She is ready. And the result is a woman restored to the embrace of her community at the end.  Jesus answers her questions.  He doesn’t shame her or rebuke her for her fear or isolation.  He doesn’t explain away her feelings.  He meets her where she is.  And brings her healing and wholeness of life.

In this current climate, we are facing something none of us have faced before.  It is new and it is overwhelming and it is scary.  But Christ meets us just when we are most alone and afraid.  Our fear and isolation aren’t barriers to him, and they can’t be barriers to our support for each other, either.  

Nicodemus in a time of plague

Now, reading through the sermons from a few weeks ago, I’m struck that I started mentioning the pandemic earlier in my sermons than I remembered. In this sermon, I was mostly responding to the stock market crash–but there was that whole “will we all be killed by the common cup?” controversy that was swirling back then. (We were all simple, naive creatures, I tell you. Handwringing about the chalice before all grabbing the same piece of cheese at coffee hour.)

Oddly, that’s basically what this sermon is about. That, and Ben and my’s love of a quirky British docu-series! Oh, and Jesus.

Rev. Megan L. Castellan

March 8, 2020

Lent 2, Year A

Genesis 12, John 3

Ben and I like to watch a series of BBC documentaries called Hidden Killers.  It covers various historical time periods, and goes into scientific detail about the various unexpected things that was killing off the population.  Stairs, for example, as Ben and I are fond of reminding each other, were a Hidden Killer of the Edwardian home.  (Because there was a massive building boom in London, houses were now multi-story, and building codes hadn’t standardized stairs yet.  So people were falling down all over the place.)

But also, things like early electrical appliances (bare wires!  Entirely unregulated!), early gas lighting (had a tendency to seep into people’s houses while they slept because gas utilities were also not standardized.) Even wallpaper (it had arsenic in it.  That ended poorly.)  If you watch one episode, you get the sneaking suspicion that everything is slowly killing us, and one day we will be the subject of a slyly knowing documentary as future generations rue our cluelessness.  Hidden killers are everywhere.

Nicodemus would have been very on board with this idea.  He comes to Jesus in the dead of night, because he’s afraid.  He’s afraid for his position, for his reputation.  So rather than ask Jesus questions in public, like we see other Pharisees do, he approaches at night. 

Rabbi, he tells him, we know you clearly are in good with God, because we’ve seen what you can do.  He wants to know what that’s like—what is that experience of being close to God is like.  

Jesus tells him that a person can only enter God’s reign if they are born again.  Or born from above.  This Greek word can be translated both ways. Jesus is making a funny pun here.  Which is why Nicodemus gets confused and asked about literal birth.  

(As a sidenote:  In John’s gospel, Jesus is something of a frustrated comedian.  He makes these puns a lot, and the crowds always take him literally. Must have driven the poor guy nuts.)

Anyway,  Jesus tells Nicodemus that a person has to be born again/from above.  They have to be connected in some deep, material way to the realm of God.  Jesus compares it to the wind—it comes, it goes, and you can’t really define it or see it, but you know it when you see it.  It’s like that, basically.

We aren’t told what Nicodemus is afraid of exactly. Context can provide a lot of options.  It was a dangerous time—and not just because no one knew about germ theory or antibiotics yet.  The Roman Empire didn’t like threats to its power, especially not from religious middle managers like Nicodemus evidently was.  And they didn’t just arrest you if they decided they didn’t like you—they arrested you, your family, and probably every able-bodied man in your village.  Just to prove the point.  Jesus lived during a time of unease and danger, with revolutions and revolts coming fast and furious.  Many religious leaders, like political leaders in tumultuous times throughout history, were all the more cautious to protect what little power they had, because the alternative looked so awful.

So, Nicodemus is correct to be afraid, here.  That’s a lot of terrifying stuff, even in theory.  And it’s notable that Jesus doesn’t chew him out for scheduling a middle-of-the-night interview.  He meets him in the middle of his fearful place, and talks with him.  Assures him.  “Indeed, God sent the son into the world not to condemn the world but in order that the world might be saved through him.”  

We aren’t told if this convinces Nicodemus.  Or if Jesus’ gentle jibe about teachers of Israel not understanding simple things convinces him.  But we do see him later; he shows up after Jesus’ death to take custody of Jesus’ body for burial.  So he does clearly resonate with something Jesus says.  Something got through.

It’s an understatement to say that we are living in an anxious time.  If you weren’t having palpitations while watching the news before this virus started spreading, then I’m guessing you do now.  It’s a sobering thing to hear yourself calmly discuss the prospect of avoiding other people for weeks on end, stockpiling food, and whether our healthcare system is up to this.  

There is a lot, right now, to be afraid of.  A lot of very real things.  Just as Nicodemus had.  The stock market is tumbling.  The economy is shuddering.  Those numbers of sick people on the news keep going up.  Our leaders seem at times overwhelmed or confused. 

But here’s what I know.  I know that fear is no barrier to Jesus.  Jesus met Nicodemus in his fearful night, and he will meet us here as well.  So we’re afraid.  So things look dim right now.  That’s ok. We are allowed to be afraid.

But our fear cannot stop us from following Jesus.  We are still called to be the church, still called to be the Body of Christ in the world.  Nicodemus was afraid, but he still sought Jesus out, and still took care of him after his death on the cross.  Our mission is the same as it has ever been, and in fact, it is even more important now.  

This anxious world needs us to be a place of calm and respite.  The world out there needs us to quietly embody Jesus’ way of love and self-giving, even as so many give into scarcity and isolation.  The world needs us to do now what the church has always done in times of trial: care for the sick, care for the needy, and steadfastly shine the light of God into a shadowy place.  

At St. John’s, we’ve been here for nearly 200 years.  In this place, we will continue to hold services to worship God, and we will continue to help Loaves and Fishes feed the people who need food.  The shape, and the details of how that happens might change, but that part won’t, because that is who we are and that is what we do.  And when we do what God calls us to, then Jesus meets us there.  Even if it is the dead of the scariest night.


What we talk about when we talk about sin

I had entirely forgotten, but I apparently dove right into Lent and preached on original sin. Whoo boy.

Rev. Megan L. Castellan

March 1, 2020

Lent 1, Year A

Matthew, Romans

As it is Lent, and as I appear to have fallen prey to some sort of Lent-induced psychosis, let’s just dive into Paul’s letter to the Romans today, and talk about sin!

The lectionary this Sunday is sin coming and going.  Or-rather, it hits the points that we are used to hearing associated with sin.  There’s the story of the garden, there’s Paul talking about justification through Christ, and then there’s Jesus resisting the devil’s temptations in Matthew. Trouble is, sin is one of those words that has been tossed around so much in our world that sometimes we don’t always know what we mean by it.

So, today: sin!  

First off, a quick stop over in Genesis, and a reminder that this story isn’t literal.  I know that you know that, but when we get to this particular story, occasionally theologians suddenly get more literal than they would otherwise.  The story of Adam and Eve in the garden is really fascinating in that they are such little kids.  They’re told “Look, there’s ONE THING you can’t do.  Please don’t do this one thing” so of course, they promptly do that one thing.  They can’t resist.  We aren’t told why Eve thinks this would be good, she just does. And Adam promptly follows suit.

There are a lot of things that I love about this story, but we don’t have time to dwell today.  Suffice it to say that this story is less about How Humans Became Evil, and more about How Choices Have Consequences.  Adam and Eve make a choice and disobey God, and then can’t control the consequences of that choice.  But—their relationship with God is not severed, even when they immediately assume that it is.  God immediately seeks them out, and again constructs a way to be in relationship. Their initial disobedience causes fear, and distrust of God, whom they had never been scared of before, which in turn causes more fear, and more disobedience, and more fear, and so on and so forth.  But even as the humans will continue to act in fear and confusion—precisely because they’re human—God continues to seek them out over time.  Time and time again. 

So this brings us to Romans.  Paul’s letter to Romans is basically Paul’s attempt to explain his understanding of how faith in Jesus works, in a cosmic, logical sense.  Paul, remember, is a smart guy—he was a trained Pharisee, so he knew all the Jewish law backwards and forwards.  He was a Roman citizen, and he was pretty well connected.  He’s writing here to some Christians in Rome, and trying to explain how Jesus fits within their worldview of Greek philosophy, and as people distantly acquainted with Jewish thought.

In other words, he’s trying to explain why Jesus matters, using Greek philosophy and Jewish faith.  And we need to bear that in mind when we read Romans, because his context is different than ours.  Paul, for example, as a faithful Jew didn’t see the Genesis story as establishing original sin, the way Augustine, or horrors—John Calvin, does later.  

So when Paul talks about righteousness, he’s not talking about moral purity, or about obsessively correct behavior.  Righteousness was understood in a Jewish context to be when you have done everything required of you by the law, so that you were in correct relationship with everyone.  You didn’t owe your workers, you didn’t withhold from your parents, you didn’t cheat your spouse.  You were righteous.  It wasn’t an inner state at all—it was a social state. 

To be justified was to be made righteous.  It was when someone else came in and settled all debts you had outstanding.  Like, if your older brother stepped in and paid your workers for you and made sure your kids were provided for.  Then your older brother had justified you.  Again, it’s not an interior state of purity.  It’s a really concrete social idea that can be demonstrated.

Here’s where it gets complicated!

Paul is arguing a logic train here.  Look, he says: like we good religious folk who know our Hebrew Scriptures know that Adam’s disobedience caused unforeseen consequences and the entry of death into the world.  This is a story we have.  Sin—this wacky human proclivity to make dumb choices—has always been here, he points out.  And we know this.  It’s why God gave us the law, to restrain our dumb choices.

If that sort of cascading effect happened once, then couldn’t it happen again?  Why couldn’t Jesus who in his life and presence brings us closer to God, have a similar effect?

Jesus makes us all righteous, Paul argues.  Not because he satisfies an angry God who desires a blood sacrifice, but because Jesus was able to live a correct human life of total obedience to God, even when it was most difficult.  In Jesus’s life, we are no longer separated from God by the effects of disobedience, by our fear and distrust.  We are brought near, and we are enfolded into the Divine life.  We don’t have to be afraid anymore.

Jesus’ entire life undoes the effects of our human proclivity to make bad choices, because it brings us near again to God, and shows us what is possible when we live in communion with God.

I realize talking about sin is not super popular, and original sin is less so.  But original sin, at its heart, is not the idea that babies are intrinsically evil.  It is more the idea that bad decisions, and their consequences, build on themselves.  The decisions my ancestors made—the effects of many of them were individual.  But the effects of a lot of them continue to affect me.   And then those make it harder to make good decisions.

Jesus, in his life, and his radical obedience to God, and not to the powers of the world, made it clear that another way is possible for us.  We may not get there now, but God is bringing it about slowly and surely.  The sin that follows us so closely since the days of Adam, trapping us in fear and panic, won’t always dog our steps.  God has given us a way out in Jesus.  

So every time we act on our faith, and not on our fear, every time we follow Jesus instead of the way the world always works, we are turning away from sin and towards the God who loves us.  We are coming one step closer to the day that the web sin built won’t entangle this world anymore.  And in the meantime, we do our best that we can and ask for forgiveness for the times we don’t get there.  But we try, bit by bit.  Because sin or no sin, God loves us dearly, and is with us regardless, and has sent Jesus to undo the mess we humans get ourselves in.