This week, Washington Post revealed that Judge Roy Moore, currently running for Senate in Alabama, allegedly had several sexual encounters with underage girls when he was in his thirties. Rather than denounce him, the Alabama state auditor chose to defend his actions by citing the biblical story of Mary and Joseph.
In the interest of keeping my nausea at bay, and putting my 7 years of Biblical study, and nearly 10 years of professional ministry to good use, I have the following suggestions of Biblical practices that Judge Moore should investigate, instead of a Senate campaign. Since this seems to be a new area of interest.
1. Pretend your wife is your sister, in order to sell her to foreign government officials
2.Drive a spike through the head of disagreeable generals after you seduce them
3. Send bears after small children who insult your male-pattern baldness
4. Burn your house, your clothes, your books after you find a spot on them, for fear they have contracted leprosy.
5. Throw passive-aggressive dinner parties for genocidal government officials
6. Circumcise all men, including the adult ones, and carry around the evidence as a talisman to be produced on demand.
7. Love your neighbor as yourself. For crying out loud.